Sexual abuse dismissed; abusive parent gains custody and leaves the country despite protective parents supervised visits

Some of the specific examples of abuse while I lived with my sons father are: 

Then came the apologies: flowers, cards, and promises it would not happen again, only for the cycle to repeat itself. 

A classic abuser who further used a broken court system to continue his abuse, dated the intern in the psychologist's office who did our court evaluations. He also befriended a counselor in Child Welfare Child Custody Division, where the courts that rely on their pool of appointed psychologists to do 3111 custody evaluations. To be noted, he denying an independent custody evaluator. The lack of expertise in attorney’s and judges in their dealings with DV, were some of the contributing factors. In the family court case I was given primary physical custody and shared joint legal custody. I had to seek a stay-away order from my son’s father; this was ignored by the social worker who was mandating us to meet together to co-parent. I also voiced the concern of my son being taken out of the country. His dad would not surrender his passport, therefore my family law attorney had my son’s passport flagged with the Department of Justice. Obviously, it was not very beneficial. 

I had sought counseling for myself for DV through the San Luis Obispo Women’s Shelter, currently called Stand Strong. The support from my counselor was a lifeline! It was also a turning point in the JV dependency hearing when a new reported was disclosed to the DSS of some of the things I disclosed to my counselor, which as a mandated reporter, she reported. The department held this against me.  

Despite my concerns that were shared on several occasions with my attorney, psychologist, Child Welfare Services (CWS), all avoided my son’s display of sexual behaviors which he had upon return visits with his father. I was still required to return my son to his dad for his court ordered visits, despite these concerns of abuse. I followed the order by my son’s pediatrician to continue to video tape his behaviors which I did. Both CWS and the 3111 report stated that my videotaping my son’s behavior was abusive. 

I sought help from the lawyers, police, my son’s pediatrician, and even Child Protective Services (CPS). 

I recollect a quote from each. My family law attorney stated, “You have to follow the visitation order or I am scared what they will do.” A police officer declared, “ I can’t read the court order visitation schedule, you will have to go back to court.” This quote was came after one of the times his dad would not return my son. The court order was not upheld nor enforced, which eventually led us back to court to make it appear like a custody battle verses abuse. Even though my son’s pediatrician wrote the prescription for me to video tape my son’s inappropriate behaviors, CPS was clear when they said, “if you call again I will come and take both your children.” 

The court ordered psychologist from Atascadero, had an intern working with her at the time the psychologist did our court evaluations. That same Intern was having relations with my son's father. How is that for an ethical conflict? 

It did not matter that my son's father tested out as a psychopathic deviant in his behaviors. Or that under a different last name, he had a record of charges including: rape, stalking, DUIs, and impersonating a police officer. These charges were all in black and white; yet, it went unaddressed just like it never happened. The recommendations that were made were not addressed or followed. For example, it was ordered for my son to be put in counseling. This was an order from the Family Court as well as recommendation from the psychologist. Never, did the department follow this. Instead at a hearing a social worker stated to me, “you are the one that now will be in counseling.”

Of further note, I received a call from the psychologist regarding my payment to her for her service. She wanted to verify how I paid. It was by a check. She requested I bring her verification and I did so. I learned whoever was working in her office stole the monies or wrote the checkout to herself. So she also had a thief working for her.  

I got a call from the Morro Bay Police Station requesting me to come and speak with them. My son was at his dad's and was scheduled to return to me later that evening. My mother was visiting, so we both went. When I walked in the room there was a team of people, a couple of police officers, CWS and supervisors. It was decided that they were going to pick up my son and return him to me with the agreement my mother would stay until the next court hearing. Later that evening I got a call from a social worker say that they took my son into protective custody. I NEVER agreed to voluntarily give up my son, as the department later claimed in the detention report to the court. This was the beginning of many twisted truths. That next day I went to the same police station and asked what happened. They indicated they thought we had an agreement and did not know. 

I filed a complaint against the police and Social Services. Both investigated internally, and found all procedures were followed. This is why the distrust from the start. First, I was threatened, that if I call them they will take both my children. Secondly, I am promised that they are bringing my son to me. Third, they never returned my son. The detained my son him from his father’s care. Why would I ever want to meet these people alone?  

CWS removed my son from his father’s care and placed him in emergency foster care, thereafter two subsequent foster homes. After than he was returned to his father’s home and I had supervised visits. Once the JV Court became involved (it was a whole other animal) at the close of the case and contested hearing, full and sole custody was awarded to my son’s father with three therapeutic supervised visits per week to me primarily based on the psychologist’s child custody evaluation, 3111 report. 

During the course of the JV dependency hearing, I had supervised visits from the Department of Child Welfare. I have all the records of my son’s visits statements during our time. During the dependence hearing his father requested to take our son out of the country to visit some family. I interjected that the family court orders did not allow either party to take him out of the country. That was my concern that he would remove him and not return him. I noted that to both courts. His request was denied. 

I followed the entire case plan to the “T" to have my son returned to my care. The social worker took a disliking that I would not meet with her alone, I had an attorney present. And she felt I still held the belief that son’s father molested him, which she stated would be harmful to my son. Regardless of the truth and actual evidence my son was in fact molested, there was a reported anal tear in a medical SART exam and he did make disclosures to me, the doctor, the police and the DA investigator, the father was given custody. The medical examiner made recommendations which were all ignored by the Department of Child Welfare which remained adamant there was “no abuse or disclosure.”  

I had to pay to be supervised to see my child. In order to exercise the full court-ordered visitation, it cost approximately $120.00 per visit, $360.00 for the three visits a week, and $ 1,440.00 monthly. The coup de gras was once his father had full custody he opened up a case against me for child support. I returned a letter to the San Luis Child Support Agency with a detail of the accounts of my son’s case and it was determined at the time he was unable to pursue an “open case.” 

My son would return from his father’s home for his to visits with me and his older brother while I we were being watched. It sent a bad message to both my children. My son, three years old at the time even tried to close the door on the supervisor; he even knew in his spirit it was wrong! During our visits my son would sound off profanities, reported his father bit his ear, and other very disturbing behaviors. It was totally heart wrenching that it all was ignored. I hugged my son on a supervised visit and I followed it up with a letter to his father saying I will always be there for our son and to let me know when I could see him under healthy circumstances. 

I could not continue to afford to pay $1000.00 plus to see our son’s attorney. I never heard a thing... a mutual acquaintance shared his dad took him out of the country. When I notified the family law attorney, he stated to let DSS track him down, he advised me to ask for a supervised visit. I did not want to participate in their games. I was not going back to the same “system” that kidnapped my child. The final attempts had already been exhausted. My counselor, a grandmother with a beautiful soul whom I am forever grateful for the countless hours she spend on my son’s case, created The Real F.A.C.T.S. We all reached out to the Director of the Department Of Social Services and he ignored my son’s case. 

This is DV by proxy; my ex used my son to hurt me.

During years 2002-2003 the San Luis Obispo Grand Jury had investigated other similar cases. My son’s case was also submitted. 

Our case included the following professionals: