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Others' Stories

CPPA welcomes protective parents and their children they are protecting to share their stories. We do not confirm or deny the content shared here. These are their stories in their own words.

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A parent continues to stand in her truth, trying to protect her children and build awareness, after losing custody in family court

Leaving my abuser was the hardest thing I ever thought I would do, but I was wrong. Fighting for my children after Stanislaus County Family Law division gave custody to my abuser was the hardest.

I am still fighting. I left my abuser after eight years of abuse. This person hit me while I was pregnant, cut the gas line on my vehicle knowing that I would be transporting my children in that car. He took my nursing books, flattened my tires, put a key logger on my computer, a tracking device on my car, drugged me and sexual abused me. There was also verbal abuse and financial abuse. My children were also victimized.

When I filed for a DVRO in May of 2014, I knew nothing about the family court. I was confident that my children and I would be safer soon enough. At the first court hearing during mediation the mediator said, “so this is what is going to happen.” She had just prior met with his attorney. She recommended 30 percent to the other party aginst my objection. I showed her his criminal history which included drugs, child pornographey, and two strikes under California state law. She did not hear any of my concerns.

Three months later while we had shared custody, my children were taken out of his home under an emergency protection order for bruises on my daughter and my two year old son being found in the street. At that point I knew I could not trust the family court. I was afraid of what they might do, especial considering I was ordered to share custody despite the mountain of documentation of abuse.

The abuse continued and after a time away from my abuser gaining more strength, independence, financial freedom and support, I felt I was strong enough to go back to court to get full custody for the safety and well being of the children. It is important to note that during the custody sharing my abuser threatened my employment, and continued to abuse both myself and my children. I had enough! I told this person I would be filing for full custody, but he filed first for modification stating “you’re going to see what's going to happen.” As I had heard threats so many times before throughout the eight years of abuse. I knew something was coming.

My daughter starting coming home saying, “Mommy, do you remember that time you wet your pants?” I knew he was coaching her. That week my daughter had gone to her school stating that I pulled her hair. A CPS social worker gets involved. He talks to my abuser who tells him that I use drugs, that he has had a lot of problems with me and that he had 70 percent custody of the children. The social woker looks up my name and because I am a junior he confuses me with my mother who actually has a long history with CPS. My abuser gave the CPS worker the mediator’s phone number. Due to that one ex-parte, hearsay conversation I lost all rights to my children and I have not seen them in three years.

The social worker had not even talked to me yet. The case that I pulled my daughters hair was unfounded. Everything was one sided. It is like the court was protecting my abuser allowing him to use the court system to abuse me. The system continuously refused to acknowledge the real safety concerns for my children. So I began fighting back filing complaints with the CEO of the mediation organization, going to the board of supervisors and filing a 170.6 for prejudice and bias.

The court retaliated and my children became invisible. It was no longer about the kids.

Sexual abuse dismissed; abusive parent gains custody and leaves the country despite protective parents supervised visits

I have learned that courage does not mean the absence of fear, but it is facing fear head on. I will not be silenced any longer for fear of retaliation of any kind! I pray both my boys continue to keep soft hearts.

This is not a story just for entertainment. The following is an account of actual events (from my perspective) which took place from (2001-2004) in San Luis Obispo County, California.

Oprah Winfrey named the town, referencing San Luis Obispo, “America’s Happiest City”. Unfortunately, my family’s devastating experience was complete opposite of “Americas' Happiest City." Not unless you call the San Luis Obispo County Department of Social Services RIPPING my son from me, his older brother, and his entire maternal side of his family, a happy place.

I can guarantee you there is nothing happy about what I am about to share. The horrific INJUSTICE at the hands of: The San Luis Obispo County Department of Social Services, Child Welfare, between entities in the San Luis Obispo Courts (Family Court and Juvenile Court system) and their failures to protect my youngest son. And for that matter many other children too.

The illusion is that when staying quiet, the shame will vanish. It does not! Yet speaking up to advocate for your child, he is ripped away from you. Worse while they are stripping away one child they are holding over you your other child as a weapon to “Shut Up” those shadow of days are long over!!!

I was in a domestic violence (DV) relationship! The ramifications of leaving that relationship, the father of my son, and trying to reach out for help to protect my son resulted in:

over a year in court
over $40,000.00 plus in fees
a change in legal/physical custody and
ultimately the father’s literal abduction of my son to another country.

Let me be clear, I have not been able to see my one son since 2004. I last held my son was he was four years old. It has been a very pain filled fourteen years. His father took him out of the country! I long to hold my son once again and tell him I love you. I will have to wait another two years until he turns 18 to be able to do this. There are no other words…

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Charges of rape dropped after awareness of family court case; custody given to alleged rapist

I filed for divorce in 2007 due to my husband's abuse towards our children - especially our then 7 year old daughter. In 2006 I reported several instances of physical and verbal abuse in addition to him exposing himself to our daughter - which I witnessed. In 2006 there was a CPS investigation during which my daughter pointed to her vagina and stated that her father hurt her there and "squeezed" her there. She was only 7, but she was describing rape - nevertheless the CPS investigator didn't order a forensic physical evaluation and disregarded her testimony after my ex showed up for his interview with an attorney present.

In spite of my many efforts in this heavily litigated, now almost 12-year long case, my ex had liberal visitation and I now realize that he continued to rape her during court ordered visits until she refused visitation at age 14.

In 2016 when she was then 17, my daughter came forward to me and to law enforcement about the rapes and gave 8 hours of graphic forensic testimony and my ex was arrested on $6.7 M bail. The case moved forward until the DA discovered that it had been extensively litigated in family court and that the same judges that presided in the criminal court in Contra Costa County were also the ones who turned a deaf ear to my many complaints about abuse and signed the court orders that sentenced my daughter to a childhood of rape and torture for a decade in family court. The excuse the DA gave for dropping charges was my daughter's emotional state - she has PTSD from all the rape trauma - and they said she couldn't withstand the rigors of trial even though she adamantly stated that she could and even testified to that at the dismissal hearing. When I confronted the DA about the conflict of interest - in that these same judges had signed the orders and disregarded my concerns about child abuse for years - and told him I believed that was the real reason he was dropping charges - he not only didn't deny it, but also made a statement that appeared to agree that there was a conflict of interest and that the judges were being protected.

After the charges were dropped my ex doubled down on his charges that I was a "parental alienator" and he made the revolting false allegation that I had brain washed my daughter and coerced her into making "false allegations" that resulted in his arrest. Until my daughter came forward in 2016 i didn't know about the rapes - I did report all the abuse that I did know about to the court for years and what I did know and reported should have been more than enough to order supervised visits. Despite the fact that family court would not issue my daughter a protective order after the charges were dropped, they recently issued one against me because of emails I sent I which I had to CC my ex and called him - correctly - a sexual predator of children; he violently raped and choked my young daughter, and yet the court would not grant an order protecting her but I - who has never harmed or threatened him or anyone else - has a protective order against me because I believed my daughter's allegations and called him -correctly - what he is.

Recently the court gave him full custody of our son - who is almost 15 and who reportedly was a witness to the rapes - even though he stated repeatedly to the evaluator that he wants to be with me and is and always has been afraid of my ex. The evaluator (whom I was ordered to pay and to cooperate with against my objections) wrote a sickeningly biased and wholly inaccurate report that was nothing short of a character assassination of me and it has greatly exacerbated my own trauma symptoms and made me genuinely suicidal for the first time in my life. After having raised him, protected him and cared for him since birth, I am now 'entitled' to 2 hours of professionally supervised visits per month which I have to arrange through an attorney since I am not allowed to contact my ex due to the fact that I called him - correctly - a sexual predator. After 12 years of litigation I have no funds for an attorney and can't arrange a visit and now haven't seen my son in 5 months.

All of this is because of the bogus junk science of parental alienation and the evaluator and the judge saying that if given a chance I would immediately start 'brain washing' my son just like I supposedly did to his sister and that if my son were to come forward with abuse allegations (and I have reason to believe that he was sexually assaulted by a family member of my ex and have reported that also) that my ex could then get arrested again - all supposedly because of my alleged brain washing. I am entitled to brief phone calls with my son and our entire focus now is to stay positive in the firm belief that this travesty of justice will be righted soon and that justice will prevail. The charges were dropped without prejudice and can be reinstated and we strongly believe they will be.

When domestic violence is dismissed and continued as DV by proxy

I have been in a relationship for 17 years. Seems strange that just this past year I realized that I was living with Domestic Violence. Not understanding why my partner was so wonderful most of the time and sometimes abusive, some physical and mostly emotional. He would apologize for his actions and tell me he loved me. I believed him and asked that he go to therapy, which he did on and off for about 3 years. I have 2 older children from a previous marriage and we have 2 children in common ages 13 and 15. After he lashed out once again, I found out from his therapist that he had Paranoid Personality Disorder. My partner admitted this to me and finally agreed to take medication and continue therapy. I was happy to know that he could admit this. I told him that I loved him and would stand by him as long as the physical and verbal abuse stopped.

Things were going well until I woke up one morning a few months later to him freaking out on my 21 year old son. His behavior was scary and he was threatening me and my son. He slammed a metal heater into my son's chest. I have an audio recording of this incident. My partner was arrested and I have an order of protection, which he has already broken. I have been going through a custody battle for about 7 months now. He somehow has gotten temporary custody of our boys. My youngest son will not talk to me or see me now. I have learned so much through this process. I have come across many articles of DV by Proxy and am sure this is what is happening. I have also read that it is one of the worst forms of child abuse.

I am so confused as to what is happening. I have been abused by my partner, my son, the courts, my lawyer, and my community. I have been a loving mother for 27 years. I have put all of my efforts into my family and home. I know that I am one of the nicest people I know. My partner has destroyed my love, our children, my reputation and has left me financially broke.

He has a long violent criminal history (which he has never been convicted of - strange that someone can have so many arrests). He also has narcissist qualities that I have learned of as well. He continues to manipulate the court system and people in my community. I have been hearing many lies going all around my town. He clearly lies in family court (have proof) yet he is never held accountable. I don't have so much as a parking ticket and yet he has temporary custody of our boys. I read all over the internet how damaging his behaviors are to our boys. It also states that most men who go for full custody and have BPD and DV do it to continue the abuse towards the victim. A narcissist doesn't care about the children or anyone else. There is so much more to the story over the years. I can't believe that there is no justice for the victims of Domestic Violence.

I feel as if the system is failing to provide help for victims and their children. Again everything I read states that 80% of abusers are getting custody to the children.

Why? Why can't anyone see how the cycle of Domestic Violence continues through our entire society? Why are good mothers being abused for being abused? Abusers should be held accountable for their actions. There should be better programs to help abusers learn that there are no justifications for violence. Victims should be heard and helped. Society needs to be educated of the effects of Domestic Violence. The courts need to have a special area of expertise for these cases.

What is the best interest of the children should be the main question? All cases should be treated as if these were their own children.

Thank you for hearing my story. I pray that one day there will be a better way to help all family members to have a resolution to the traumas experienced through their process.

Abuse continues, children silenced, but advised loss of custody if asks for protection of children with custody change

I live in Arizona. My ex-husband was abusive to our children, even as babies, which is an uncontested fact. He was given joint custody and continues to be abusive. The children talk about physical, emotional and animal abuse, as well as exhibitionism. The judge has instantly denied motions for child interviews and has told me to leave the children out of it. I’m asking for more parenting time. My lawyer says I risk losing everything though to ask for more custody. My lawyer refuses to submit emails where my ex is calling me names, telling me I’m a bad parent, saying I can’t sit with them at school events, blaming me, telling me what to do and going against the decree. My ex thinks he is above the law; he gets tickets while the with children are in the car and doesn’t pay the fines. DV advocates say he’s not allowed to treat us this way, but obviously, he is!

Child sexual abuse dismissed and unsupervised visits granted

My 3-year-old daughter was molested by her biological father. He is a deputy for LASD and I am a detective for LASD as well. In February 2018, Judge Sara Heidel of Pomona Court granted the biological dad unsupervised visits. Ramon Cervantes the court appointed attorney for my daughter recommended the unsupervised visits. He told the court there was no evidence to prove anything happened. Opposing counsel Cynthia Quintero threatened to sanction me if I continued to speak about my daughter's molestation. Sanction me away. It does NOT matter what I have to pay. They cannot sanction me because I'm protecting my daughter. Tell me how this is fair? I'm so horrified and devastated that my daughter is and will be in great danger. I pleaded to Judge Heidel to keep supervised visits. She refused. How am I to protect my daughter when no one will help? How do you take the word of a law enforcement officer over a child who looks up to you to protect her? I will protect my daughter to the end. Just because he's a law enforcement officer doesn't make him above the law.

Mother Discloses Abuse and Loses Custody

My daughter disclosed she was molested and struck. She has also been a witness to DV in the home at age four. By the time she was five-years-old, she was taken from me and I was labelled as having mental illness.

MA Judge Ignores Horrendous Atrocities

Judge Denise Meagher of Worcester, MA Family and Probate Court has done horrible things to countless mothers and children. My ex had ~50 items of neglect and abuse investigated and supported against him from DCF. This included: showing the children child porn and grooming them with preacher videos that advise “all young children to be having sex,” to hitting them with coat hangers, isolating them from society, locking them in rooms, keeping food from a child and making that child sit and watch everyone else eat, allowing the nanny and uncle to abuse the children, working 60-70 hours in a week and completely neglecting the children. The judge decided I have a mental illness although I do not (something she does to most good mothers). I have had seven psychological evaluations all clearing me of any mental illness and I have released my medical records. Still this judge gave the kids to their abusive father. Their father illegally entered from El Salvador and believes that child rape is a good thing, “that olders should be with youngers” and openly expressed his desire to rape child virgins. He has participated in much human trafficking for adults and children. He enjoys torturing. He used to put jalapeño inside me and laugh as I screamed in pain, anally raped me, and fully admits he never loved me. He only married me to try to get a green card and get away with having been originally deported. Something must be done about Judge Denise Meagher. Children are suffering and dying due to her choices. This woman smiles and smiles at me when I enter the courtroom and told my lawyer that she is sorry that my lawyer has to have me as a client. This judge had my restraining orders against my ex removed in 2 different states. He has had over 20 contempts of court and every single one was dismissed. My children are petrified and just want to be back with me. My entire life revolves around children, my BA is in early childhood education, and I am working towards a PhD in Sociology. I coached cheer and volunteered often as well as taught summer camp for many years. It is just so very wrong what this judge is doing and gets away with this.

MA Judge Ignores Horrendous Atrocities

CA Mother and Child Brutalized at the Hands of the Court System

My case follows the typical pattern of Family Court Cases when child abuse is an issue during divorce or custody disputes. The disbelief of the courts and protective agencies about children’s and a mother’s claim of abuse, and subsequent accusations of parental alienation. The agencies tasked with protecting women and children from abuse, Child Protective Services (CPS) and the police, doing bogus “investigations”. The lawyers and therapists involved in predatory actions and unethical behavior for financial gain. The misogynistic and sexist attitudes that permeate the courts and destroy mothers and their children’s lives. The Family Court system emotionally, psychologically, and financially brutalizes and retaliates against mothers trying to protect their children from an abusive father.

In my case my husband had been trying to reduce financial obligations to my child and me for months during divorce negotiations, and his final tactic was to request additional custody time as a way to reduce child support payments. Although I was able to present emails to the court mediator, Trenessa Cromartie, that my husband was already neglecting and refusing to accept responsibility for my daughter with the 25% custody time he already held, the court mediator, who acknowledged the neglect in her report, nevertheless recommended that my husband receive 35% custody so that he could “learn” to be a better father. Ms. Cromartie, however, recommended that my husband receive no more than the 35% custody time due to the fact that she felt he was being “deliberately imperceptive” in regards to his care of our daughter. In court, the judge, Gerald C. Jessop, then arbitrarily (and it appeared arrogantly and vengefully because of the power he held) upped the custody time for my husband to 40%. I could not understand the decision as all the documentation presented to the court indicated that my husband’s irresponsibility precluded him being awarded additional custody time. After doing extensive research as well as networking with activists nationwide, I discovered that the court’s biases for 50/50 shared custody, along with sexist and misogynistic attitudes towards women in the courts, have made this a common process, fathers get shared custody regardless of their neglect, abuse, or criminal history.

A few months after receiving the additional custody time, my husband attacked my daughter while she was at an overnight visitation with him. That event set in motion a living nightmare that I never imagined could occur in the United States of America. Agencies that I believed were dedicated and honest organizations who sincerely worked for the safety of children, Child Protective Services, CPS, (which was audited in 2013 - 2014 in California and revealed “deeply troubling flaws” according to Assemblyman Mike Gatto (D-Los Angeles)) and the police, conducted shoddy, inept investigations and found the abuse to be “unsubstantiated” and “inconclusive,” another standard component of the pattern in these Family Court cases. The CPS agent, Aaron Meng, after speaking with my daughter and my husband, closed the case, citing Penal Code 11165.4, “because there are differing statements from the child and the father”.

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CA Mother and Child Brutalized at the Hands of the Court System

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